film

CablaGoobla 2016 Academy Awards Extravaganza Wrap-Up!

If you think the title of this post is long you should consider it relative to the length of the Academy Awards Ceremony, it’s no joke. Also strap yourselves in because this is going to be a big read in general.

Firstly we would like to officially lay the “Leo needs an Oscar” meme / joke to rest with a haiku eulogy in italics for emphasis;

Rest well Leo meme,
Greatness has been achieved,
Sixth time is the charm.

What a beautiful sentiment.

Now onto all the other glorious outcomes and reveals of the ceremony. We would like to format this post in the same nonsensical way the Academy Awards themselves tried to pass off their order of events; The order in which a film is made. This was of course a lie, unless now films are edited before they are directed and acted in by some kind of movie making wizardry. Let’s be honest Oscars your real order is “save the best for last” but you just don’t want to say that because everyone would complain about you valuing Best Actor above everything except Best Picture. So we have decided to throw your bullshit format out the window and reveal the winners our way. #OscarsSoBadAtFormatting

We didn’t watch the red carpet because the hosts make us blind with rage every year so the entirety of our coverage will be this one photograph.

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Red Carpet Highlights! Presenting the two most ridiculously good looking people alive.

Firstly our host; Chris Rock. Admittedly when we heard Chris Rock was going to host we both let out a long frustrated sigh, but he brought the goods and actually had us laughing, a rare thing to achieve at the Academy Awards. There was a lot of attention brought to the #OscarsSoWhite controversy (I really hate having to reference a hash tag it feels about as bleak as putting your drug dealer down as a character reference on your resume, it’s unreliable and you are bound to get some batshit crazy rants if you follow through and look it up). In fact most, if not all of the jokes surrounded the controversy of a lack of diversity in the nominees and this caused even more controversy as the only minority mentioned by Chris Rock was African Americans with no references to other minorities until they actual won (Thank you Alejandro). So look, if you found that confusing here’s a quick summary.

  1. 88th Academy Awards had ZERO African American Nominees
  2. Everyone starts talking about a lack of diversity in the Oscars
  3. #OscarsSoWhite becomes a thing
  4. Chris Rock makes a million (funny) jokes about African Americans being excluded from the Academy Awards.
  5. The Academy throws literally every single African American they have in their phone book into a presenting role on stage to overcompensate.
  6. The internet who started #OscarsSoWhite gets mad because other minorities are still being ignored.
  7. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu wins Best Director and makes a fantastic speech about the issue but the only coverage of this topic you will get is Chris Rock being controversial.
  8. Nothing gets achieved because as usual, “spreading awareness” was the goal of an internet campaign with no real solutions on how to bring about change.

Now the last part of the flow chart is a future prediction because we here at CablaGoobla are extremely cynical of any and all “slacktivism” and “clicktivism” movements. We genuinely hope to see more diversity next awards season and believe it is an important topic, but knowing the world we live in this will be forgotten by April when a new shiny thing to tweet about appears.

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A truly rare sighting of an actually entertaining host of the Oscars, for the Pokedex.

 

So we got a bit carried away there so let’s get to some God damn awards already!!

Best Picture went to Spotlight, which was an unexpected win. Even the presenter Morgan Freeman looked genuinely confused and surprised at the result. Because of his long pause after opening the envelope we came up with a conspiracy theory that Mad Max Fury Road actually won but Freeman liked Spotlight best so he just said that instead. By the time the backstage crew realised the mistake they were in too deep, the cast of Spotlight was on stage and the confetti was flying so they just gave them a free kick instead of trying to do damage control.

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Spotlight cast & crew after winning Best Picture as decided by Morgan Freeman alone.

Best Actor went to the one the only Leonardo Dicaprio for his role in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape no sorry The Aviator, nope not that one.. Blood Diamond? no… it definitely wasn’t Wolf of Wall Street, oh yeah of course THE REVENANT. Kate Winslet cried and he got a standing ovation, sweet Leo. We’re starting a rumour that at the after party Winslet drank champagne straight from the bottle and forced Leo to re-enact the spinning dance from Titanic.

Best Actress was awarded to Brie Larson for Room. To be completely honest we are yet to see this movie… so.. we’re just going to awkwardly move on after congratulating Brie and adding that it does look like a really good movie.

Best Supporting Actor went to Mark Rylance for his fifteen minutes of screen time in Bridge of Spies. The internet was pissed that Sly Stallone didn’t win for Creed and we are bitter because we are committed to supporting Batman, I mean Christian Bale.

Best Supporting Actress went to Alicia Vikander AND RIGHTLY BLOODY SO. She was, after all, literally the only good thing about The Danish Girl. I’m not saying that because I’m transphobic or hate the issue, I am a very liberal, very supportive and very transfriendly person but THE MOVIE WAS PAINFULLY DULL AND AWFUL. Vikander SHOULD have been nominated for Best Actress considering the film mostly follows her character’s story rather than Eddie god damn Redmayne’s but oh no Eddie needed that Best Actor nomination. Vikander was absolutely amazing in this movie so we were delighted she got the recognition she deserved, even if it was the wrong award.

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Vikander WINS!! Ex Machina fans paranoid thinking this proves she does indeed pass the Turing Test.

Best Director went to Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu for The Revenant, which is his second year running winning this award! While watching this film with it’s long tracking shots and intensely choreographed scenes you can tell Alejandro knows his shit (to put it bluntly) and is one of the best directors of our time.

Best Original Screenplay went to Tom McCarthy an Josh Singer for Spotlight an Best Adapted Screenplay went to Adam McKay and Charles Randolph for The Big Short. Two very different styles of screen writing and both deserving of the award, although we had our fingers crossed for Alex Garland and Ex Machina to take out Best Screenplay.

CUE MAD MAX FURY ROAD CREW RAMPAGING THROUGH THE DOLBY THEATRE TO CLAIM WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY THEIRS!!

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Actual photo of the Mad Max crew at the after party.

Yes Mad Max Fury Road took away the most awards for the night and also brought us the best acceptance speeches. The speeches included swear words, good old Aussie drongos shouting their faces off with excitement and an all around good time. here are the winners for Mad Max;
Mark A. Mangini and David White for Sound Editing
Chris Jenkins, Gregg Rudolph and Ben Osmo for Sound Mixing
Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson for Production Design
Lesley Vanderwalt, Erika Wardega and Damian Martin for Makeup and Hair Styling
Jenny Beavan  for Costume Design
Margaret Sixel for Editing

As this post gets on I’d like you offer you a brief video reprieve. This was hands down the funniest skit of the evening.In a segment made to address diversity, African American actors were added into all the nominated films, I give to you Tracy Morgan in The Danish Girl…

Onto the Best Original Song category, not much can be said as they were essentially all terrible. That being said Lady Gaga’s performance was full of passion and feels so we were hoping she would take the award but alas Sam Smith won for his Bond theme “writing’s on the wall” my comments at the time were something along the lines of”just because your boring song has violins does not mean it’s Oscar worthy.” Other nominees include the dishwashing sponge attached to The Weeknd’s head and a weird song about Manta Rays.

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Lady Gaga brings the feels.

Best Cinematography went to Emmanuel Lubezki for the third consecutive year! His work on The Revenant was some of the most beautiful and immersive cinematography I have ever seen so this was an absolutely correct choice!

Best Original Score was another upset of the night going to Ennio Morricone for his work on The Hateful Eight. I think most people were expecting John Williams to have this one in the bag for Star Wars The Force Awakens and Ennio did specifically give honours to Williams in his acceptance speech because, well, the guy is a legend. We wrote down the nominees wrong and were hoping the Revenant would take this one out because the score for that film was amazing, so it was a disappointing reveal when it wasn’t even actually nominated and we felt like pretty significant bozos.

So now as we wrap up our wrap up we would like to give out our awards for the evening!

Best Presenter – Hands down Louis CK for presenting Best Documentary Short, we love Louis and him stressing how much more important this award would be to the winners considering how their films would have made them zero dollars was hilarious. Honorary mention to Tina Fey and Steve Carell.

TinaFey

Classic Lemon

Best Winner – Leo. He finally won an Oscar and yet he spent most of his time talking about Climate Change the plight of the world’s indigenous peoples. Respect the Leo.

Best Dressed – HANDS DOWN JENNY BEAVAN. She won for Best Costume Design for Mad Max and was wearing a dope leather jacket and seemed to give approximately zero fucks about the dress code.

JennyBeaven

Jenny Beaven 100% realness, 200% boss.

Drunkest – The Australian guy who screamed “FUCKING MAD MAXXXEERSSS” when accepting his award, we aren’t sure exactly who you were but you sir are a national treasure.

Best Audience Reactions – The kid from The Room when the Star Wars robots came on stage was adorable and Kate Winslet watching Leo accept his award.

So that’s it, if you’ve made it this far in the post I would like to thank you sincerely for reading this entire spiral! We would also like to hear if you have any of your own awards from the ceremony like our list above or if you would like to start a campaign against us for criticising the use of twitter for activism please use the hashtag #CablaGooblaSoAccurateItHurts and direct all tweets to @BruceyWillis

CABLAGOOBLA OUT.

LeoandAlejandro

Probably the last photo taken of Leo wearing a shirt and sober this holy night.

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Review: Ex Machina (2015)

Wow.

Just need to start with that one, having just finished the movie I am still in open mouthed awe. Ex Machina was the breath of fresh air Science Fiction needed this year after a string of batshit horrible movies.

Written and Directed by Alex Garland (writer of 28 Days Later and The Beach) the film has one location, four characters, a lot of dialogue, a fantastic original soundtrack and some outstanding acting from its female lead Alicia Vikander.

A young computer programmer named Caleb (Domhnall Gleeson) is selected  to take part in a revolutionary Artificial Intelligence experiment being undertaken by his boss Nathan (Oscar Isaac) who happened to invent the worlds number one search engine. Flown to a mysterious, isolated and beautiful location he is introduced to the AI named Ava (Alicia Vikander) and for the sake of all of you I will not go on with the plot, it’s a journey you need to take for yourself.

Two guys who thankfully are not Channing Tatum

Two guys who thankfully are not Channing Tatum

This isn’t a laser filled, action packed, fist pumping SciFi, it’s psychological, confronting, shocking and keeps you guessing the whole way through. If you have seen the writer / directors other films (especially 28 Days later) expect that vibe. A slow yet edge of your seat thriller where you never quite know what’s going on or where it’s going to lead you with a small cast of brilliant actors.

The character of Ava is (typically) a gorgeous female robot but this isn’t all “weird science” thankfully, she has a lot of depth, a quick wit and takes you on quite the journey!

This movie left me staring at the end credits rolling, listening to the beautifully composed music and literally saying out loud “it’s been a while since I’ve seen a film like this,” the kind of film that doesn’t try and blow your mind with bells and whistles or crazy unexplained bullshit but taps you on the shoulder every once in a while and smirks at your big dumb face while you slowly begin to piece things together.

Machina 03If you like a thriller that doesn’t treat you like a complete dumbass this is going to be right up your alley. It’s a slow paced, well thought out dramatic scifi / psychological thriller which is TECHNICALLY (cinematography, editing, music, directing etc) superb.

I do have a few thought bubbles, but they relate heavily to the plot so I will return to that in a separate post a little ways down the road so I don’t ruin the movie for you, because let’s face it, those reviews with sneaky spoilers are a real pain in the ass.

Go see it for yourself, or don’t, you know, who am I to put thoughts in your head….

Here’s the trailer!

Ye Be Warned Wednesday : Jupiter Ascending

If you knew anything about me you’d know that “big budget sci fi” and “Sean Bean” are two things that are guaranteed to draw me to ANY movie. A combination of the two in Jupiter Ascending just seemed too good to be true – and you know what? It was.

Jupiter Ascending is essentially a splicing together of various other SUPERIOR sci fi themes and ideas with an unnecessary love story thrown in for good measure. For me the most annoying and blazingly obvious examples of stolen intellectual property include (but are not limited to); the presence of an intergalactic beaurocracy (thank you Douglas Adams), the harvesting of humans for nefarious purposes (thank you EVERYONE) and the replica baddies, like this guy….
 

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Spot the difference.

What they have created here with Jupiter Ascending is essentially an intergalactic fairytale between Mila Kunis (who sports various hand me downs from Queen Amidalas wardrobe for the majority of the film) and Channing “Pube Face” Tatum. Why do that?  Why take something perfectly awesome like science fiction and Disney Princess-ify it? It’s as if  the creators thought women wouldn’t be able to appreciate science fiction without a shit load of unnecessary sap laid on!  Give us a break guys!

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Spew.

This movie looks as though it was made for the purposes of winning the most awards for special effects and costume design (which admittedly are impressive) but the story itself left a lot too be desired.
Truth be told I mentally tuned out a little way in (thanks to fairytale rage) and if it hadn’t been for the promise of the occasional appearance of Sean Bean I probably would’ve turned this off 5 minutes into the Mila toilet scrubbing montage that was the first 20 mins of the film. Really, the only reason I watched it all the way to the end was out of morbid curiosity to see whether or not Sean Bean survived.

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Spoiler alert: he does

Maybe my expectations were just too high and maybe what i saw as being rip offs of superior ideas were just poor homage attempts (a likely story), but maybe Jupiter Ascending just plain sucked. All I know for certain is that Sean Bean definitely did not get enough screen time.

Ye be warned!!

Review: Cyberbully (2015)

Maisie Williams (Game of Thrones) stars in this thrilling tele-film produced by Raw TV and Britain’s Channel 4.

Williams plays Casey Jacobs, an ordinary British teenager living in a 21st Century world overflowing with technology. School life no longer ends when the bell rings, but bullies can follow their victims home, trolling Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and countless other social media websites.

Please do not be put of by the seemingly hyperbolic plot / first fifteen minutes of this, it is truly a quality thriller! The entire hour takes place in Casey’s bedroom, as her computer is hacked by a person who “helps victims of Cyberbullying.” This suspicious character leads Casey on a thrilling, sinister and honestly terrifying journey for the next hour that brutality addresses issues surrounding online bullying in today’s world.

Maisie Williams SHINES in this drama. She truly is a brilliant actress especially considering she is so young. Aside from the mysterious “hacker” character (whose voice is encrypted) she is the only character in this film. With it’s claustrophobic setting and single present character this could have been a truly bleak experience, but it isn’t, it’s thrilling and extremely well done and uses the fact there is only one star to it’s advantage. It is a HEAVY drama, very emotional, very raw and may cause upset to some viewers as it raises issues of suicide, mental illness and obviously, bullying.

Cyberbully is indeed very good, not what I was expecting but excellently executed and truly thought provoking. Especially considering the amount of youth suicide, self harm and mental illness that arises in this “brave new world” of technology and constant connectivity. It’s a valuable story for teenagers and parents alike to learn the realities of the problems that bullying can cause, especially to young minds.

Cyberbully is on ABC (Australia) Thursday April 2nd at 8:30pm.

Why not check out the trailer while you are here 🙂


If you are a victim of bullying (online or not) and are aged between 15 and 25 living in Australia there are services available to you. eHeadspace is one of the greatest resources and offer telephone, face to face as well as online counselling. Please visit if you are having trouble with any of the issues raised https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

Leonard Nimoy (26 March 1931 – 27 February 2015)

People of Earth,

As I am sure you are all well aware by now, last week we lost one of our most beloved treasures, Mr Leonard Nimoy. There have been so many glorious tributes and eulogies celebrating his life and achievements in the last few days, and it has been so beautiful to see so many fans the world over sending their most heartfelt love and good wishes as Mr Nimoy transitions from this plane to the next. We at Cablagoobla never had the pleasure of meeting Mr Nimoy personally, but his presence in our lives (through the vessel of television) as Mr Spock has had a profound impact on us (like he did on so many others), so it has taken a couple of days for us to come to terms with his passing and compose our own post.

Leonard-Nimoy

We were introduced to Leonard Nimoy early on in our lives through our Dads love of Star Trek. I can’t count the amount of times we were subjected to “The Wrath of Khan” as children – it being one of the few VHS tapes we had on hand – and to this day we Cablagooblians can’t vs each other in anything without first quoting “This is like when Spock had to fight Kirk on Star Trek – best friends forced to do battle”. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun…

By the time we were introduced to Star Trek the 90s were in full swing and Mr Nimoy had already appeared as not only Spock, the half-Vulcan, half-human alien hybrid – Considered one of the most popular alien characters EVER portrayed on television and the role he is most remembered for – but as countless other characters on a variety of other shows including The Untouchables, Gunsmoke, Dragnet Mission Impossible and The Man from U.N.C.L.E (just to name a few). He went on to have a successful career both on and off the screen with 12 directorial credits (including two of the Star Trek movies), several books and numerous voice over/narration credits, as well as a number of special appearances to his name.

Nimoy made his directorial debut in 1973, with the “Death on a Barge” segment for an episode of Night Gallery during its final season. (As an interesting side note, Night Gallery was Similar in format to the much more famous “Twilight Zone” series, but whereas the tales in “Twilight Zone” were more science fiction, the tales in Night Gallery have a darker, more horrific edge). Nimoy directed Star Trek III: The Search for Spock in 1984 and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home in 1986, and also directed the 1987 film Three Men and a Baby.

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Leonard Nimoy directing Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home in 1985

Nimoy authored two volumes of autobiography, I Am Not Spock (1975) and I Am Spock (1995) and also composed several volumes of poetry, some published along with a number of his photographs.

During and following Star Trek, Nimoy also released five albums of musical vocal recordings on Dot Records. On his first album, “Mr. Spock’s Music from Outer Space” and half of his second album “Two sides of Leonard Nimoy, science fiction-themed songs are featured where Nimoy sings as Spock. On his final three albums, he sings popular folk songs of the era and cover versions of popular songs, such as “Proud Mary” and Johnny Cash’s “I Walk the Line”. There are also several songs on the later albums that were written or co-written by Nimoy.

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Leonard Nimoy died February 27, 2015 at the age of 83 from complications of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and is survived by his older brother, Melvin, his ex-wife, Sandi Zober, their two children, (Adam and Julie) as well as six grandchildren and one great-grandchild. May they live long and prosper.

Vice (2015) : Ye Be Warned Wednesday

“Vice” (2015) or “How Bruce Wallis Betrayed my Trust vol 1”

Before I watched “Vice” it had a concerning 4.7/10 star rating on IMDB – well below my 7 star minimum for sci fi. But I thought, surely it couldn’t be that bad – it starred Bruce Willis after all.

MISTAKE!

Turns out Willis must have owed someone a big favour, because this movie is all kinds of low budget, Bgrade rubbish and is quite easily the worst Wallis film to date. Not only does Brucie not STAR in this movie (as the tag line claims), he appears on screen for what I would say was a grand total of 5 minutes and appears to be in a trance the entire time.

Wake up little snoozy...

Wake up little snoozy…

I don’t know why Brucie did this film, and quite frankly I dont want to know. What I do know is I am genuinely peeved that he has bismirched his own good name in such a heinous way as to attach it to this truly, truly awful film.

From its synopsis “Vice” seemed to have all the ingredients for something interesting, but the makers of this film clearly have no respect for science fiction (or the laws of physics or the laws of robotics for that matter), nor did they have the funds or imagination to make something even half way decent, so it ended up just being a messy, sticky mix of many other stories. In other words – Terrible.

Vice

The Directing, story, editing, screenplay, set design, lighting, music, CGI and stunts/action are ALL TERRIBLE. Its porno quality acting from porno quality actors using porno quality dialogue. Without the porn. Combine that with the gigantic plot holes, zero internal logic and ridiculous overuse of automatic weapons and constant running as the only plot device, “Vice” makes for some all round pretty shitty viewing.

YE BE WARNED.

Do not see this movie, not even if it’s free.

The Babadook (2014)

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Single mother Amelia (Essie Davis), plagued by the violent death of her husband, struggles with her son Samuel’s (Noah Wiseman) fear of a monster lurking in the house. A sinister presence begins to haunt the two after the mysterious arrival of a book in the youngster’s bedroom called Mr. Babadook, about a monster that lurks in the shadows. Soon Amelia seems to feel the effect of the sinister “Babadook” and tries desperately (in vain) to get rid of the book.

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If it’s in a word. Or it’s in a look. You can’t get rid of … The Babadook”

It should be noted from the outset that The Babadook is not some silly urban legend movie, nor is it the kind of horror which is heavy on the “blood for bloods sake”. It is however a fantastic psychological horror. The plot focuses on the more human element of the tale and mostly concerns Amelia finding a way to overcome Samuel’s behavioural issues and her struggle to live normally, rather than dealing with the whole supernatural threat of The Babadook monster. Some horror fans may be turned off by the fact this movie is a psychological slow burn and the scares are not spoon fed or of the “ooogadaboogada” jump-scare-bleed variety. Its more psychological drama than supernatural horror.

The performances of the two leads are phenomenal. Although the character of Samuel is more than a little annoying at the best of times (deliberately so, I think), the tortured anxiety and fear portrayed by Noah Wiseman on screen is outstanding. Essie Davis really embraces the character of Amelia, making her fear, depression and shifting madness all visibly genuine and moving. The sadness beneath those regular troubling days that Amelia encounters and her continuous struggle with personal grief bring out the real heart of the picture.

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I love being pleasantly surprised by Australian film and found that “The Babadook” stayed with me long after a finished watching. It won’t be for everyone (its slow pace and lack of typical gruesome horror style blood and gore seems to have disappointed quite a lot of people on imdb) but if you like good Australian drama and don’t mind a bit of a head fuck then you will definitely enjoy “The Babadook”.