Review: Fast and the Furious 7

So, I wasn’t going to see this movie but considering it has smashed many box office records (including the fastest film to make $1 Billion (yes BILLION) dollars) I thought I should check it out. Plus who doesn’t love a few ridiculous action sequences every now and then.

This movie was RIDONKULOUS. I have never seen such blatant defiance of the laws of physics in my entire life. There are multiple instances of cars flying through the air from great heights (I’m talking out of a plane, out of a building and more), people flying through the air, basically anything that should not be flying through the air does so in this movie. It is relentless and utterly hilarious! I don’t even necessarily mean that in a bad way, it was so over the top that I just laughed and laughed, this movie brought me great joy. It was one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, yet I found myself thoroughly enjoying it, which is…. embarrassing to say the least.

So the plot is pretty thin here, all you need to know is there is a bad guy (Jason Statham) who is after “The Crew.” The Crew is Vin Diesel, Paul Walker (RIP), Michelle Rodriguez as it has been since the very beginning a zillion movies ago. But there is also Ludacris, The Rock and Tyrese Gibson who have been added over the last few years. There’s a whole lot of man muscles, testosterone, douche-baggery and arrogance here, which I am not going to go into that much. Also crucial, Jordana Brewster plays Paul Walkers wife and they have a kid now in the movies… I know right? There’s a lot on the line.

Classic Dwayne

                     Classic Dwayne

You don’t see these movies for the poetry, you see it because you want to zone out, not think about life, watch really dumb shit happen, carnage and just stop being so uptight. I find action movies are an incredible way to not care about anything for the whole time they are on. BUT if you don’t share this weird thing with me or hate action movies, do not waste your time, because it will leave you absolutely furious and / or disgusted.

Cinematography has some quality action technique but mostly looks like a music video from the early 2000s. The script is 100% terrible, dialogue between explosions is short and very to the point, mostly consisting of tough guy one liners and bad jokes, that is right up until the last ten minutes when things get way too real and very sweet.

As everybody knows Paul Walker died shortly after filming, and thankfully rather than some obscene over the top insanity, the film gave him a touching tribute. A tribute which I admit, took me by surprise and was very well done. It made me feel way more than it should have, as it did many people (twitter is full of people crying about the ending just FYI).

ALL IN ALL this movie was entertaining, I ate my popcorn, laughed at the obscenity and just chilled out for two hours, it wasn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, it’s pretty low on the score card but I still enjoyed it enough to maybe secretly want to watch it again, for the lols of course….

Pipe fight.

                              Pipe fight.

Highlights include:
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing his signature infamous wrestling move on a bad guy.
A drone… yes.. drone shooting the shit out of everything.
Anything VIn Diesel says being extremely difficult to understand on account of the bass in his voice box being turned up to maximum.
Shameless product placement.
Shameless close ups of boobs and booties.
The gang go to Dubai and rack up an impressive amount of property damage.
Street fights.

Fast & the Furious 7 is in theatres now and making an absolute shit tonne of money.



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