Ye Be Warned Wednesday: The Royals

“I’ve got YBBW covered; this Royals show is completely shit”

That was the text I sent my co-consiprator/author last night.

I watched The Royals for a guilty little pleasure, it was to follow the return of Keeping up the Kardashians in my lineup for “brain free TV” after a day of intensive study. Little did I know, this show is meant to be taken seriously…. really guys? You know.. this is not going to be taken seriously right? The real Queens corgis shit out better stuff than this.

The Royals follows an alternate reality British royal family (although they CLEARLY took some liberties from the real royals) in their day to day life. The first day of their day to day life Prince Robert dies, leaving Liam (Willam) first in line for the throne.

The “plot” (using this word loosely) is that after the death of his son, The King wishes to put the Monarchy on ice and call for a referendum. NOBODY ELSE remotely wants that, so the royal claws are going to come out and some backs will get stabbed. We also have a number of sordid affairs on our plate here, but I will leave them as a juicy little surprise for those who want to watch.

Liam’s sister (Harry) Princess Eleanor is a party loving, coke snorting nutcase with a serious “Egyptian whore” eyeliner addiction who flashes her minge and is all over the front page within minutes of the show starting. If you combined Prince Harry with Effie from Skins and took away their collective charm, you have this character.

The Queen (Elizabeth Hurley) is violently critical of her children and all she worries about is “topping up on the botox” (that’s according to her own son, DRAMA!) and in true Elizabeth Hurley fashion, is exactly the same as every other character she has ever played.

Riot Queen / Chair Tipper

Riot Queen / Chair Tipper

Then we have the bozo cousins Penelope and Meribel (Beatrice and Eugenie) who are clearly there for comic relief, little does The Royals know, we all want to laugh AT it, not WITH it. Also if I was either (the real) Beatrice or Eugenie I would be so deeply pissed at the way I was being represented (allegedly).

Honourable mention to the clearly evil little brother of the King (Scar/Polonius) for doing his best Chuck Bass impersonation (long live Gossip Girl).

I’m warning you all that this show is pure 100% unadulterated TRASH. If you want an easy to watch, horribly scripted, pathetically acted and truly bleak show (which let’s face it, we all need sometimes) you will enjoy this.

BUT I watch a lot of bad TV, because I have a lot of free time on my hands.. and I’m not even sure I will bother with episode two. Some bad shows I have watched EVERY EPISODE OF include; Gossip Girl, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Degrassi (the new ones, the old ones are awesome) and the original 90210, so the fact this doesn’t reach my standards, is a very poor reflection.

This is essentially a soap opera with Americans pretending to be British Royalty. If you want some awful trash to stare at mindlessly, give this show a go, but don’t say you weren’t warned.

The Royals is on E! right after the (superior) other royal family, The Kardashians in the USA and for everyone else, you know the routine for this by now.

Check out the trailer… if you dare…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s