Cast Away….

Cast Away 2

Introducing the only thing you will care about for the following eighty minutes.

I know this isn’t exactly a new release film and most of you reading this have probably already seen Cast Away, but I really feel it my duty to write a review of this film before more people say “what the hell, there’s nothing on TV” and decide to watch it for the first time.

Have you ever been sitting at home, relaxing with a nice cup of coffee and thought to yourself; “Man, I am so in the mood for watching Tom Hanks spend eighty minutes trying to light a fire on an island while befriending a volleyball with a face drawn on it,” if so then this is the film for you.

The story is, Tom Hanks works for Fed Ex, his plane crashes, everyone dies but he miraculously survives and ends up stranded on an island for most of the film while his friends and family at home search for a little while and then proceed to decide that he must be dead and move on with their lives.Highlights of the film include Tom Hanks rubbing some sticks together, Tom Hanks trying to build a raft, Tom Hanks slowly losing his mind and becoming far too emotionally attached to a volleyball named “Wilson.”

It’s not great. I know a lot of people really liked this movie when it came out in 2000 and somehow it has a rating of 7.7 on IMDB but I honestly can not understand why.  I must admit I am incredibly biased because I believe (aside from the Toy Story movies) that Hanks peaked in the 90s with “The Green Mile,” “Philadelphia” and “Forrest Gump” all of which are spectacular films in which he plays heartfelt and much loved characters. After 1999 he really dropped the ball with his film choices and seems to just play Tom Hanks over and over again!

Back to Cast Away, I must tip my hat to the product placement in this film. Obviously most of the story takes place on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere so there weren’t many chances for the studio to squeeze in product placement, so they created an entire CHARACTER to promote Wilson sports equipment, Hanks must say the word Wilson at least one hundred times in this movie, and if I am being honest with you that volley ball has more charisma than most of the cast. The other major sponsor is Fed Ex, during the final half hour of the movie the words “Fed Ex” are on screen 90% of the time, and despite it being a Fed Ex plane that crashed and caused this whole ordeal, they are still portrayed as a caring, responsible company, well played, well played indeed.

This movie was not for me, the only reason I wanted Hanks to get off that island was so the movie would finally end, there was one character I had to care about but I just couldn’t bring myself to give a shit. Also there is way too much of Tom Hanks wearing little to no clothing, nobody wants to see that.

Expect to see a lot of Hanks' package.

Expect to see a lot of Hanks’ package.

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